and… Breathe

Wednesday 27th January 2010

My 4 day old baby was on the NICU having been removed at 31wks into my pregnancy due to suffering a massive fetomaternal haemorrhage. For 3 days we had watched and waited and prayed for him to make it through each precious minute, each hour, each day. He was heavily sedated and on a ventilator.

and breathe

We hadn’t cuddled him yet. We weren’t even allowed to touch him as we were advised it was causing him pain. Although he was over the worst, we knew he wasnt out of the woods yet. Every day was a milestone.

and breathe

I was still recovering from the c-section. Because I was so determined to spend as much of my time on the NICU with my little Bruiser, I was refraining from taking a lot of my pain relief as it was knocking me out. Every step hurt to take. But, it didn’t matter. Every 3 hours day and night I expressed my liquid gold in the hope that Bruiser would eventually get the benefit of it. Every 4 hours day and night I made sure I was there for his ‘cares’ to be done. The rest of the time I just sat with him looking at him, watching him, talking to him.

Just like the previous two mornings, I had woke up from a very restless, painful nights sleep and I needed to attach the breast pump for my 3-hourly express. This particular morning was different though… only I didn’t know it yet!

I made myself a cuppa before sitting down to express while I watched GMTV and caught up on texts, emails and facebook messages from family and friends offering their love and support. I called it my social media morning hug.

When id finished expressing, I got cleaned up and had some breakfast. I then made my way onto the NICU to store my milk in the freezer. I then went to go into the ICU as I always did every time id expressed, even in the middle of the night. Unfortunately I couldn’t go into the room as the Doctors were doing their rounds. One of the nurses told me to give it an hour and I should be able to see Bruiser then.

While I waited in my room, Hubby arrived for the day. Eventually a nurse came through and told we could go through to see Bruiser.

We cleaned our hands, then walked into the NICU and went straight up to Bruiser’s incubator and said ‘good morning sweetheart’.

He looked different this morning and it took a moment for us both to register what it was… Our brave little soldier had been taken of his ventilator during the night. He was now breathing on CPAP.

and breathe

This day turned into a Triple Whammy of Milestones for Bruiser… He came off the Ventilator. He did his first wee. He had some of my liquid gold!



14 thoughts on “and… Breathe

  1. Lous Lake Views says:

    Now that truly was a magic moment. I can’t imagine how scary it must have been to see your precious little baby on a ventilator and what an enormous relief it was to see him getting stronger.


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